I can’t tell you how many INFJs I talk to who tell me they have trouble making friends. Their stories mirror my own. We struggle to connect with most people because they aren’t interested in the same things that we are or we just aren’t around enough people to even try to connect. There are several ways that we do make friends though. A lot of the time it has nothing to do with us.
We’ve grown up with someone
Some people have friends that they’ve known forever. Whether it’s someone you went to school with or lived next door to, you’ve just always been friends. As you grow up you may realize that you really don’t have anything in common with them anymore. You graduate from school and move to a different place, but somehow you still stay in touch with them whether you are getting anything from the friendship or not.
We work with someone that we just happen to get along with
Another happenstance type of friendship is someone you work with. You sit next to them at work and chit chat about different, mostly work-related things. They like to share information about their families and lives outside of work while you nod and smile. While you enjoy having someone to talk to as work, as soon as you leave the office you no longer talk to them.
We’re adopted by an extrovert
Somehow we cross paths with a bubbly talkative extrovert and they decide we need to be friends. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me. I don’t know why I just decide to go along with it. Maybe it’s the need for connection, maybe I’m having a bought of loneliness, I really don’t know. But before you know it they have adopted you and you’re a part of their life.
We connect with another intuitive type
If you’re really lucky you’ve had the chance to meet another INFJ or another intuitive type that you have really connected with on a deep level. These are the friends who understand what you’re saying even before you open your mouth. You don’t have to explain anything. You don’t have to apologize or pretend. They just get it. These friends are a special gift from God and are pure gold.
I haven’t run across very many of this kind in my life until I started my podcast and started connecting with a lot of INFJs. It is really amazing to have a deep and meaningful conversation with another INFJ who was a stranger when we started talking, but an hour later is a best friend. It’s completely amazing!
How to make real friends
It’s really, really difficult to find real friends these days, especially when you are looking for one of the rarest personality types. Even just looking for people who are intuitive is hard. How do you know before you invest a lot of time and energy into the friendship? It’s practically impossible!!
So many people have come to me with this same problem that I wanted to create a solution to help all of us find these true and meaningful connections. That’s why I created a community for all of us INFJs to come together and learn from each other. But also so that we could make real and true friends. I wanted us to have a place where we could feel seen and heard and understood right from the start. It’s called INFJ Community. You can learn all about it here.
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