Ready to Run
- sarahbkuhn
- May 27
- 5 min read
There was a 1999 movie called Runaway Bride. Did you see it? It was a super cute romcom with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, reason enough to see it. It was about a blushing bride who knew exactly what she wanted until she got to the altar on the big day, when she ran for her life. And then she did it again and again. I don’t remember how many times, but it was a few. She thought she knew what she wanted. She was sure, until she wasn’t. Then she had no idea. Then she started all over again.
I think I’m her. Not in the “I think I’ll get married” kind of way, but in the “I’m sure” wait, “I have no idea” kind of way.
June 1, 2025 is the 7th anniversary of me moving to Boston. 7 years. Where did it go? I can’t believe I’ve been here that long. It’s the longest that I have lived in one city since 2006, since I moved from Wichita, KS the first time. I never think that I’m unsteady or flighty until something like this comes up and then I think it’s no wonder my life is such chaos all the time.
How many people never leave the city they were born in? I’ve been fortunate enough to move too many times and live in 5 big cities in 5 different states.
I’m starting to wonder if that’s why everything is falling apart. Is there some bigger force telling me it’s time to do something else? I really don’t think so and I really hope not. I LOVE Boston. I don’t want to leave at all. I’d love to stay here forever. What better place could you ask for than Massholes with a beach!
I’ve read a book called the The Big Leap where the author, Gay Hendricks, talked about what he called the Upper Limit Problem. This is the idea that each person has an internal "thermostat" for how much success, love, or happiness they can tolerate. When they exceed that level, they unconsciously create problems to bring themselves back down to their comfort zone.
It’s a fancy form of self-sabotage. I’m too happy right now. Everything is going my way. I got a big promotion because people at work believe in me and I got a nice raise. I bought a fancy new car and am planning to move to a very nice neighborhood in the city. Things are going well!
But it’s not comfortable because it’s not what’s regular for me. Regular is worry and stress and doubt and fear. Regular is running for my life to make everything work. So unconsciously, I have to make it feel better. Well, not better, just what I’m used to, which is actually worse. But in this case, worse is better. Worse is regular. Worse is normal for me, so it feels better.
At this point, I think we need to turn back to the Upper Limit Problem to see how Mr. Hendricks fixed it.
Step 1: Become Aware of Your Upper Limit
Start by noticing when things go wrong right after something good happens. Do you pick fights, get sick, or suddenly feel anxious after a win? That’s likely your upper limit kicking in.
Hendricks says: “Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy.”
Step 2: Identify Your Hidden Beliefs
He outlines four common false beliefs that trigger upper limit behavior:
I’m fundamentally flawed.
Success brings disloyalty and abandonment.
More success equals a bigger burden.
I must not outshine others.
Ask yourself which ones resonate. These beliefs often stem from childhood conditioning.
Step 3: Notice and Shift Your Thoughts
When you catch yourself worrying, catastrophizing, or stirring up drama, pause and ask:
“Is this worry actually real or is it an upper limit reaction?”
“What positive thing might I be trying to sabotage?”
Then redirect that energy: Instead of spiraling, breathe into the feeling and expand your tolerance for joy.
Step 4: Embrace Your Zone of Genius
This is key. Hendricks says most of us live in our Zone of Competence or Excellence—but true fulfillment comes when we live in our Zone of Genius:
What do you love to do?
What are you uniquely good at?
What feels like play to you, but creates real value?
Spend more time there, even if it feels scary or selfish at first.
Step 5: Practice Expanding Joy
Train your nervous system to handle more happiness by staying with it. When you notice joy, peace, or success:
Pause.
Breathe deeply.
Say to yourself: “I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same.” (That’s Hendricks’ recommended mantra.)
Let’s circle back to my problems here and see a first hand example:
Step 1: Awareness- We're got this one covered
This isn’t just brushing against my upper limit, I’m making eye contact with it. I see that I’m used to living in chaos. I know that peace feels foreign. I realize that things are actually going well—and that’s what’s triggering the discomfort.
If you get this far, know that it’s a rare level of self-awareness.
“Worse is normal for me, so it feels better.” This is the thesis statement of an upper limit belief.
Step 2: Hidden Beliefs - We're here
Here are a few beliefs that are running the show under the surface:
“If I get too happy, something bad will happen.” → So I better stir the pot before life does it for me.
“Success isn’t safe because it’s not familiar.” → And I don’t trust what I haven’t had to fight tooth and nail for.
“I don’t deserve to settle into joy, because I’m built for survival.” → Rest and safety feel like laziness. Chaos feels like worthiness.
“If I’m not running, who even am I?” → Stability feels like stagnation because motion has always meant value.
Step 3: The Upper Limit in Action
Here’s how it’s showing up right now:
Reflecting on how long I've lived in Boston, not with pride, but with panic—"Am I stuck? Am I behind? Should I be somewhere else?"
Questioning my very real and well-earned accomplishments by framing them as potential traps.
Feeling like the ground is about to give way simply because it’s finally solid.
If you’re doing this same thing, know this isn’t proof you’re doing the wrong thing—it’s proof you’re healing. And your nervous system is freaking out because it’s not used to safety.
Step 4: Break the Cycle
Let’s anchor into your new normal. The goal here isn’t to “fix” you. You’re not broken. The goal is to retrain your body and mind to allow peace and success without panic.
Try these:
When the panic hits, say: “This is what expansion feels like. I am safe in success. I can trust joy.”
Breathe into the joy.When something goes well, sit with it for 20 seconds. Let your body absorb the moment like it would absorb trauma—because it deserves to.
Reframe 'worse is better.'“I used to think that struggle meant I was doing it right. Now I know that ease is allowed.”
Ground yourself in proof.Look around: You built this life. You’ve stayed in Boston because you chose it. Not out of fear. Out of love.
I’m not chaotic. Not lost. Not flighty.
I’m a survivor who’s finally safe enough to pause, and that stillness feels suspicious because my body has never been allowed to rest in it.
But I can learn. And so can you.
I am learning. And Boston—the beaches, the Massholes, the version of me that chose all this—isn’t falling apart. It’s settling in.
That doesn’t mean it’s time to leave. It means I’ve finally arrived.
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